The strange, sad story of when journalists don't disclose their conflicts of interest.
(Updated: 08-27-23)

The song "Yesterday" by the Beatles is the most famous song in history to be sucktown garbage for crybaby idiots.
(Updated: 08-13-23)

I no longer want coronavirus.
(Updated: 04-11-20)

Bob Dylan sucks and Leonard Cohen is spooky overrated bullshit.
(Updated: 03-27-20)

I hope I get coronavirus.
(Updated: 03-06-20)

This 82-year-old-woman got her memory back by changing her diet and 19 other variables that weren't controlled for.
(Updated: 11-26-19)

I removed the camera from the photographer's hands who removed smartphones from our hands to show how strange and empty his photographs would be without a camera.
(Updated: 09-24-19)

Introducing: Maddox Card (April Fool's '19)
(Updated: 04-01-19)

Lifehack: Did you know that your opinion on whatever you just watched on Netflix doesn't matter?
(Updated: 12-30-18)

Calling people your "dude" isn't a shortcut to personality.
(Updated: 03-12-18)

The Social Warrior's of Justice - SJW Newspaper (April Fool's '17)
(Updated: 04-07-17)

I've decided to keep a promise I made in the footnote of this article I wrote 12 years ago: I'm officially running for president.
(Updated: 11-07-16)

Your alternate news site sucks.
(Updated: 10-14-16)

It's time Hollywood kissed Google's ass.
(Updated: 06-13-16)

Special orders are for special assholes.
(Updated: 04-28-16)

BuzzebelMico9POST: 2 words every straight white male needs to read (April Fool's '16)
(Updated: 04-01-16)

The irrational hatred of cyclists.
(Updated: 03-18-16)

Maddox vs Crickets: who wins? The answer won't shock you.
(Updated: 02-25-16)

How to tell if you believe in bullshit.
(Updated: 02-12-16)

How Disney ruined The Little Mermaid.
(Updated: 01-07-16)

Shitty inventions that everybody loves.
(Updated: 12-24-15)

Penn & Teller: My take on their bullshit.
(Updated: 11-20-15)

Things I'm tired of seeing in horror movies.
(Updated: 10-26-15)

Learn how to cook, moron.
(Updated: 10-18-15)

Self-checkout lanes are garbage and so are the people who use them.
(Updated: 09-27-15)

Things I hate about modern gaming: stories.
(Updated: 09-11-15)

We are in the midst of a global cataclysmic Appocalypse.
(Updated: 08-29-15)

E3 2015: Some things sucked shit.
(Updated: 06-20-15)

Mad Max: The only review you need to read for the only movie you need to watch.
(Updated: 05-22-15)

Here's how every company in America can save 23% on wages.
(Updated: 04-30-15)

Dancing Man and the cult of well-intentioned idiots.
(Updated: 03-10-15)

Spider Woman's big ass is a big deal.
(Updated: 09-04-14)

The ABC News saga and the screenshot that forced them to issue an apology.
(Updated: 08-20-14)

Things you're doing wrong every day: everything.
(Updated: 06-23-14)

Make your own Osama bin Laden death cookies!
(Updated: 05-05-14)

Facebook Quizzes Are Stupid (April Fool's '14)
(Updated: 04-15-14)

Sometimes when I'm feeling down, I think of Osama Bin Laden being dead and it makes me happy.
(Updated: 03-14-14)

Don't inspire someone.
(Updated: 01-20-14)

A case for The Grinch.
(Updated: 01-10-14)

How to watch a movie in a theater.
(Updated: 12-03-13)

Airline fees I'd be happy to pay.
(Updated: 11-18-13)

I hate BuzzFeed.
(Updated: 10-21-13)

Pepperoni is for assholes and idiots.
(Updated: 08-26-13)

Really isn't a punchline.
(Updated: 08-19-13)

Sounds I hate.
(Updated: 08-16-13)

I'm horrible and "disguisting" (3 new pieces of hate mail).
(Updated: 08-08-13)

I liked it better when it was called Army of Darkness.
(Updated: 07-15-13)

A message from adults to kids.
(Updated: 07-08-13)

Things that sucked about E3: The wrap-up.
(Updated: 06-12-13)

The solution to sexism in video games.
(Updated: 06-06-13)

Don't be a Padhole.
(Updated: 04-15-13)

Maddox's Fan Fiction Emporium (April Fool's '13)
(Updated: 04-01-13)

The worst wedding veil I've ever worn.
(Updated: 04-09-13)

Confirmed: I'm banned from Apple Stores.
(Updated: 02-14-13)

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer illustrates the worst of humanity.
(Updated: 12-19-12)

Using suicide to guilt someone is cowardly.
(Updated: 12-10-12)

Marketing phrases that have lost their meaning.
(Updated: 11-05-12)

You're not a nerd, geeks aren't sexy and you don't "fucking love" science.
(Updated: 10-12-12)

Things that suck about New York.
(Updated: 09-27-12)

Awesome shit that happened in San Diego.
(Updated: 08-06-12)

Prometheus in a nutshell.
(Updated: 06-11-12)

A comedy master teaches me how to be funny (new hate mail).
(Updated: 06-01-12)

11 Sexy Girls with Star Wars tattoos you don't have the rights to publish.
(Updated: 05-17-12)

A second chance at life. (April Fool's '12)
(Updated: 04-01-12)

Anyone who doesn't like onions is an idiot.
(Updated: 03-16-12)

End discrimination against straight people.
(Updated: 02-29-12)

I hope SOPA passes.
(Updated: 01-30-12)

Math doesn't suck, you do.
(Updated: 01-03-12)

The most overrated sandwiches in America.
(Updated: 11-30-11)

I hate Sasha Grey.
(Updated: 11-21-11)

A message to cops.
(Updated: 10-16-11)

The vegetarian asshole test.
(Updated: 09-01-11)

Animals are people (that we can eat).
(Updated: 04-25-11)

Worth a thousand words: a photoblog (April Fool's '11).
(Updated: 04-01-11)

I stopped childhood obesity, cholera and arson this weekend. What did you do?
(Updated: 12-07-10)

Not everything is epic, shitheads.
(Updated: 11-16-10)

The Best Show in the Universe: Episode 03 - Tables won't say "no."
(Updated: 09-27-10)

The Best Show in the Universe: Episode 02 - Make the choice to suck less.
(Updated: 08-26-10)

The Best Show in the Universe: Episode 01 - YouTube Kids.
(Updated: 07-29-10)

Safety tips for kids! (April Fool's '10)
(Updated: 04-19-10)

I hope I get swine flu.
(Updated: 08-24-09)

Quantum of Solace is a shitpile.
(Updated: 12-25-08)

Nobody cares if your puns were intended.
(Updated: 05-31-08)

Vague Genre Movie (April Fool's '08)
(Updated: 04-01-08)

Fashion tips for women from a guy who knows dick about fashion.
(Updated: 10-29-07)

The iPhone is a piece of shit, and so is your face.
(Updated: 07-16-07)

9 things I learned about the world from anonymous stock photo models.
(Updated: 04-30-07)

Unfastened Coins: Titanic Conspiracy (April Fool's '07)
(Updated: 04-01-07)

One thing PC users can do that Mac users can't...
(Updated: 03-05-07)

I'm tired of Sony's bullshit.
(Updated: 11-13-06)

There is no 9/11 conspiracy you morons.
(Updated: 07-27-06)

I am a genius, you are not.
(Updated: 05-06-06)

How to spot a pedophile.
(Updated: 02-10-06)

Idaho blows.
(Updated: 11-08-05)

I just wanted a video game, not eternal damnation in hell.
(Updated: 07-21-05)

If these words were people, I would embrace their genocide.
(Updated: 07-06-05)

Star Wars Episode III: a steaming pile of Sith.
(Updated: 05-31-05)

I hate Cameron Diaz.
(Updated: 05-17-05)

Unintentionally sexual comic book covers.
(Updated: 04-11-05)

The most expensive $94 Orbitz will ever make.
(Updated: 03-09-05)

If you're too much of an impressionable idiot to watch "Sideways," then don't.
(Updated: 02-17-05)

The eleven worst songs of 2004.
(Updated: 12-29-04)

Ben Stiller should star in every movie.
(Updated: 12-21-04)

How to kill yourself like a man.
(Updated: 10-27-04)

If you work for Websense, you aren't reading this.
(Updated: 09-13-04)

"I, Robot" in a nutshell.
(Updated: 07-27-04)

Video games you'll never play.
(Updated: 07-13-04)

Intellectual property theft? Don't worry, Detective Dipshit is on the job (new hate mail).
(Updated: 07-07-04)

Five shitty movies that everyone loves.
(Updated: 06-16-04)

A few suggestions to help make CompUSA a better store.
(Updated: 05-31-04)

You're not Dave Chappelle, and you're not funny.
(Updated: 05-11-04)

Looking for a safe stance on abortion? Me neither.
(Updated: 04-26-04)

How do you dumbasses manage to breathe?
(Updated: 04-05-04)

One of the Better Pages in the Universe
(Updated: 04-01-04)

Cancel the 2005 Academy Awards, the contest is over.
(Updated: 03-23-04)

Astrology is bullshit. Astrology is bullshit. Astrology is bullshit.
(Updated: 03-10-04)

Attention women: until your farts start smelling like cinnamon buns, quit bitching.
(Updated: 02-24-04)

Bill O'Reilly is a big blubbering vagina.
(Updated: 02-07-04)

Garfield sucks.
(Updated: 01-26-04)

Racism and scat, a powerful union (new hate mail).
(Updated: 01-04-04)

Phrases that make my blood boil.
(Updated: 12-22-03)

A tribute to real men.
(Updated: 12-08-03)

Oops! You're racist.
(Updated: 11-18-03)

The Matrix: Revolutions is boring and shitty.
(Updated: 11-10-03)

LOOKS LIKE I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH A BROKEN CAPSLOCK KEY (2 new pieces of hate mail).
(Updated: 11-03-03)

Finally: the reason I'm such an asshole revealed (new hate mail).
(Updated: 10-19-03)

How to render the Segway obsolete.
(Updated: 10-16-03)

McDonald's new ad campaign is an anagram for "ailing vomit."
(Updated: 10-06-03)

Going to Thailand? Don't forget your jackass discount card.
(Updated: 09-30-03)

Ikaruga: a modest review by a modest man.
(Updated: 09-08-03)

Things Elizabeth Smart could have done to escape her captors.
(Updated: 09-01-03)

Not sure if you're an idiot? Play it safe and don't send me email (new fan mail).
(Updated: 08-25-03)

How is it possible that a guy with a small penis and a hairy back is more powerful than Pepsi on the Internet?
(Updated: 08-18-03)

We know you're a cranky bitch, you don't need the bumper sticker.
(Updated: 08-05-03)

Proof that wealth can't buy class: the top four ugliest cars on the road.
(Updated: 07-21-03)

Take your X-TREME marketing and shove it.
(Updated: 07-07-03)

A shampoo recommendation for cry-baby pussies (new hate mail).
(Updated: 06-30-03)

Christopher Reeve is an asshole.
(Updated: 06-24-03)

My balls are huge.
(Updated: 06-16-03)

Four things that could have improved The Matrix: Reloaded.
(Updated: 05-23-03)

Would you like to bomb Iran?
(Updated: 05-05-03)

It's a dumbass marathon (new hate mail).
(Updated: 04-20-03)

Twenty-six things a perfect guy would do, and other propaganda disseminated by misguided women.
(Updated: 04-03-03)

Wireless internet may very well destroy our chances of contacting intelligent life.
(Updated: 04-11-03)

Who would make a better president: Bush or a box of Tic-Tacs? An objective analysis.
(Updated: 03-16-03)

How to become an obnoxious internet cam whore in five easy steps.
(Updated: 03-03-03)

I wonder if Jenny Jones can come up with a topic that rhymes with "canceled."
(Updated: 02-27-03)

Two characters that were missing from the new Daredevil movie.
(Updated: 02-18-03)

How to win the war and make big savings.
(Updated: 02-15-03)

Why change your car's oil when your girlfriend can do it?
(Updated: 02-09-03)

Greeting cards you wish you could buy.
(Updated: 02-01-03)

Bush: making political satirists obsolete since 2000.
(Updated: 01-28-03)

How to piss off credit card companies and get away with it.
(Updated: 01-17-03)

Hollywood: still out of ideas? How about another black-guy-meets-white-guy comedy?
(Updated: 01-13-03)

Here are some pages that don't suck:

Holy shit! I'm on Facebook.

My page from 2003 (It kicks ass)
My page from 2002 (It kicks ass)
My page from 2001 (It kicks ass)
My page from 2000 (It kicks ass)
My page from 1999 (It kicks ass)
My page from 1998 (It kicks ass)

Books:

Buy my third book: Fuck Whales! It's finally here.
HOLY SHIT! The Alphabet of Manliness!
Crappy Childrens Artwork!

The Best Store in the Universe
Madcast Media Network - The Best Debate in the Universe
Alphabet of Manliness at Barnes & Noble! Believe it.
The saddest caveman in the world.
Cyanide & Happiness comics
Bored? Learn Chinese. I did.
i-Mockery
New Grounds
The Official Ninja Webpage: REAL Ultimate Power
The Biggest Problem in the Universe
Driven By Boredom

More links...